A Camas family’s devastating loss inspires ‘Our City Cares’ suicide prevention campaign

In the days and weeks that followed their 25-year-old son Jon’s suicide in August of 2016, Joe and Sheryl Stephens found themselves inside a powerful and, Sheryl says, complex circle of pain.

“For the survivors, the ones left behind after a person chooses suicide, the grief is complicated,” Sheryl says. “There is a sense of guilt, of ‘would’ve, should’ve’ that happens and, if you focus on that, you can find yourself in real jeopardy.”

Everyone grieves in their own unique way, but for Joe and Sheryl, finding their path through such an overwhelming pain took a combination of faith, family and community.

“We’re not saying, ‘we’re done, we got this,'” Joe says. “(The grief) is still there. It comes at different times. But, before Jon’s death, we wouldn’t have known what to say or do in this situation. We wouldn’t have understood.”

Now, the Stephens understand the catastrophic consequences all too well. They feel the pain inside themselves when they hold one of Jon’s welding tools or try to help one of his younger siblings pull through their own grieving process. They see the pain on the faces of Jon’s friends and members of their tight-knit church community.

In their newly printed brochures, the Stephens explain that the campaign will, they hope, “unite businesses, churches, nonprofits, city governments and schools to combat the tragedy of suicide.”

“The shear magnitude of this problem is too big for any one entity to combat, but by uniting together, we can and must make a difference,” the Stephens’ campaign brochure states. “We believe that by uniting communities to communicate a clear message against the lies that people in turmoil believe, we can change the ripple effect.”

The Stephens say their own son did not exhibit any of the classic signs that signal someone may be considering suicide. In fact, as far as their family and Jon’s friends knew, he was a the very opposite of a suicide risk — a loving young man who had a large, supportive family and circle of friends, who had never struggled with mental health issues or addiction.

“We are still grappling with this,” says Jon’s grandmother, Sheryl’s mother, Verla Jonason, a longtime Camas-Washougal community member. “Jon was a fun-loving, thoughtful young man and was the first to reach out to others in need.”

The family firmly believes that what Jon did was his choice and that he allowed a temporary situation to overshadow all of the good in his life. Sheryl says she also believes that, had he fully understood the pain and suffering he was going to cause his entire family and community, Jon would not have chosen suicide.

“People would ask, ‘What do you need? What can I do?’ and I would say, ‘Will you walk with me?'” Sheryl says.

For months after Jon’s suicide, friends showed up at Sheryl’s Camas-area home six days a week — she reserved Sundays for her church and immediate family members — and they would simply walk and talk. Sometimes they talked about Jon. Sometimes they talked about Sheryl. Sometimes they talked about everything but Jon and suicide. No matter what the topic, Sheryl says, the act of just walking and talking and being with someone who cared helped pull her through the darkest days.

“That’s what I hope will happen with the 9-11 Walks and Talks,” she says. “That we can unite and connect … walking with others helps us carry the burdens of life.”

The Stephens will have a Walks and Talks calendar on their “Our City Cares” website, so that individuals and groups can post their own organized or impromptu walks. The hope is that people who are hurting, who maybe are going through their own tough times, can join in a walk and connect to their broader community. There will be T-shirts available for sale through the “Our City Cares” website, at www.OurCityCares.org, if community members wish to wear the shirts on their organized walks, or people can download the free “Our City Cares” logo online and have it printed on anything they’d like.

The third aspect of the campaign will rely on businesses and churches to keep a stash of “Our City Cares” information cards, on which suicide prevention hotlines and resources have been printed, on hand for community members in need.